New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
