I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
