why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize