i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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