Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
