so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
