I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
