DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
