i just had sex bonerless
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
