the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
worst night to have a conscience
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
