If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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