Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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