i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
