but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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