WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
