I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so let's talk penis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
