got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
