Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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