My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
