good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
