I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize