Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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