My liver just broke up with me...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize