My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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