I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
