party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
