hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
