dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
