honey bunches of taint.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
