this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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