his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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