I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
