He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
