you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
