Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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