If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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