Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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