Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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