Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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