I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
