god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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