You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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