Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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