Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
