I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
