he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
