The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
