I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
