Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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