You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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