its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
