You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't turn off my feet"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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