ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
