Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
