the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
