Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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