I think im going to throw up on grandma
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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