Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
