He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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