Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
