You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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