My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
