Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
