The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
