did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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