I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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