So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
