I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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