thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you win again, gameday.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
