Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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