Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
