You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize