he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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