Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
