You just made me feel so damn special
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
