YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
